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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29966889">Triquetra</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/shifty_looking_sheep/pseuds/shifty_looking_sheep'>shifty_looking_sheep</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Action &amp; Romance, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternative Perspective, Divergent Timelines, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Introspection, Mass Effect 1, Mass Effect 2, Mass Effect 3, Shenko - Freeform, Snippets, interweaving perspectives</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-16 02:41:00</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>17,013</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29966889</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/shifty_looking_sheep/pseuds/shifty_looking_sheep</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Triquetra: a three-sided shape; a symbol representing the power of three</p><p>The Mass Effect story has three possible endings, but it also has three possible beginnings.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jeff 'Joker' Moreau/Ashley Williams, Kaidan Alenko/Female Shepard</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Beginnings</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Normandy, the beacon is secure.”</p><p>Kaidan cautiously approached the artifact, which was shimmering with a yellow glow. “This is amazing! Actual working Prothean technology. Unbelievable!”</p><p>“It wasn’t doing anything like that when they dug it up,” Ashley said with a frown, turning her back on the beacon and walking over to the Commander.</p><p>Kaidan shrugged. “Something must’ve activated it.”</p><p>The glow seemed to intensify as he slowly approached it. The hairs on the back of his neck rose in warning before the beacon suddenly flared, and he could feel its energy coil around him, dragging him forward.</p><p>Shepard burst forward, flinging her arms around Kaidan’s waist and throwing him out of the beacon’s radius.</p><p>“Shepard!” he screamed, as he went to lunge forward and grab the Commander’s arm, but Ashley held him back.</p><p>“No! Don’t touch it – it’s too dangerous!”</p><p>They watched, helpless, as Shepard was lifted off the ground, body tense and head thrown back in a silent scream, before she was flung across the platform like a rag doll and the beacon exploded in a shower of metal shards.</p><p>*</p><p>
  <em>“Normandy, the beacon is secure.”<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Kaidan cautiously approached the artifact, which was shimmering with a yellow glow. “This is amazing! Actual working Prothean technology. Unbelievable!”<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“It wasn’t doing anything like that when they dug it up,” Ashley said with a frown.<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Kaidan shrugged as he turned away. “Something must’ve activated it.”<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The glow seemed to intensify as Ashley slowly approached it. Goosebumps covered her arms a split second before the beacon flared, and she could feel its energy grasp at her and drag her agonisingly towards it.<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Lieutenant Alenko burst forward, flinging his arms around Ashley’s waist and throwing her out of the beacon’s radius.<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Lieutenant!” she screamed, as she moved to lunge forward and grab Kaidan’s arm, but the Commander held her back.<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“It’s too dangerous Williams!”<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>They watched, helpless, as Kaidan was lifted off the ground, body flashing blue as he thrashed to break free of the beacon’s grip, before he was flung across the platform like a rag doll and the beacon exploded in a shower of metal shards.</em>
</p><p>*</p><p>
  <strong>“Normandy, the beacon is secure.”<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Kaidan cautiously approached the artifact, which was shimmering with a yellow glow. “This is amazing! Actual working Prothean technology. Unbelievable!”<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“It wasn’t doing anything like that when they dug it up,” Ashley said with a frown.<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Kaidan shrugged as they both turned towards the Commander. “Something must’ve activated it.”<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Shepard turned a curious eye towards the beacon. “Lieutenant, relay our coordinates to the shuttle for extraction.”<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>As Kaidan jumped on the comm, Shepard moved toward the beacon and the glow seemed to intensify. Her teeth were set on edge by the feel of the energy rolling off the thing, when suddenly the beacon flared, and she felt a force seize her and pull her unstoppably toward it.<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Williams burst forward, flinging her arms around Shepard’s waist and throwing her out of the beacon’s radius.<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“Chief!” Shepard screamed, as she made to lunge forward and grab Ashley’s arm, but the Lieutenant held her back.<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“No! It’ll take you as well!”<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>They watched, helpless, as Ashley was lifted off the ground, shrieking and writhing in pain, before she was flung across the platform like a rag doll and the beacon exploded in a shower of metal shards.</strong>
</p><p>************</p><p>“Doctor! Doctor Chakwas! I think she’s waking up.”</p><p>Shepard shielded her eyes from the harsh glow of the strip lighting in the med bay, the swimming feeling in her brain lessening as she sat up.</p><p>“You had us worried Shepard,” said the doctor, walking over and taking Shepard’s pulse. “How’re you feeling?”</p><p>“Minor throbbing. Nothing serious. How long was I out?”</p><p>“About 15 hours. Something happened down there with the beacon I think.”</p><p>“It’s my fault,” the Lieutenant quickly jumped in. “I must’ve triggered some kind of security field when I approached it. You had to push me out of the way.”</p><p>He sounded flustered and anxious. Shepard gave him a reassuring smile.</p><p>“You had no way to know what would happen.”</p><p>Kaidan’s eyes flashed with surprise as a smile played around the corner of his mouth. Shepard wondered why she hadn’t noticed that he had a nice mouth before.</p><p>The doctor was scrolling through data on her omnitool. “Actually, we don’t even know if that’s what set it off. Unfortunately, we’ll never get a chance to find out.”</p><p>“The beacon exploded,” Kaidan explained. “A system overload maybe, and the blast knocked you cold. Williams and I had to carry you back here to the ship.”</p><p>He had a nice voice too, she decided, but she also decided that she should probably stop her trip down this particular rabbit hole. “I appreciate it,” she managed to croak out. Kaidan nodded in acknowledgement.</p><p>“Physically, you’re fine,” the doctor continued, “but I detected some unusual brain activity. Abnormal beta waves. And I noticed an increase in your rapid eye movement, signs typically associated with intense dreaming…”</p><p>They both looked at Shepard expectantly.</p><p>“I saw…”</p><p>The images weren’t fading like an ordinary dream; they seemed to be burned into her eyelids, flashing every time she blinked, but they also didn’t make any sense.</p><p>“I’m not sure what I saw. Death, destruction… nothing’s really clear.”</p><p>Kaidan frowned in concern, but the doctor seemed unfazed.</p><p>“Hmmm, I better add this to my report. It may-“</p><p>The doors to the med bay opened with a hydraulic sigh, and the Captain joined the Lieutenant at Shepard’s bedside.</p><p>“How’s our XO holding up, doctor?”</p><p>Chakwas smiled. “All the readings look normal. I’d say the Commander’s going to be fine.”</p><p>*</p><p>
  <em>“Doctor Chakwas! I think he’s waking up!”<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Kaidan winced from the sudden noise, and screwed up his eyes against the initially harsh light. The doctor must have noticed, as the light was quickly dimmed, but that did nothing to lessen the </em>
  <em>pounding in his head, building worryingly quickly.<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Commander,” the doctor whispered, motioning her towards the door. “If the Lieutenant is suffering from a migraine we should-”<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The doctor was cut off by a scream of pain from the patient, now clawing at the sides of his head, sweat rolling down his forehead.<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Grrrrrragh!”<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The second scream came through gritted teeth, his entire body arched, feet scrabbling on the slippery hospital sheets. Shepard stood frozen and helpless by the door as Dr Chakwas ran to the cabinet and pulled out several vials and needles.<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Help me hold his arms!”<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Shepard raced to the Lieutenant’s side and put all her strength into holding down his shoulders, but his whole body was bucking wildly.<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It was at that moment that Captain Anderson walked in. He took one look at the unfolding scene and joined Shepard on the opposite side of the bed, holding down Kaidan’s left arm, which had been clutching at the sheets in white-knuckled agony.<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Keep him still,” Chakwas ordered, holding the syringe ready.<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>By the time she administered the third drug, Kaidan’s body was going limp, but his face was still scrunched in a portrait of violent pain, his jaw locked and a blood vessel throbbing in his neck.<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“The mixture of drugs should knock him out in a few minutes,” she explained as she stepped back, gesturing to her assistants to follow her into her office. As they let go of Kaidan’s arms and followed her, the doctor turned off the last of the lights, and they could hear the Lieutenant exhale a laboured breath.<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>With the door to her office closed, Dr Chakwas turned to the Captain. “All the readings looked normal, but there’s obviously something very wrong. I’ve seen the Lieutenant’s migraines before, and they’ve never manifested as anywhere near that severe. I’m concerned that whatever happened with the beacon has affected his implant.”<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“We’re heading directly to the Citadel.” Anderson’s voice was steady and assured, but there was concern in his eyes. “It may be best to keep him sedated until we get there.”<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The doctor nodded as Anderson and Shepard quietly made their way across the med bay in the dark. Shepard looked over at the man lying back on the bed; his breathing sounded normal again, but something in the room felt off. She swallowed her worry and told herself to be positive: they would get him to a specialist on the Citadel. The Lieutenant was going to be fine.</em>
</p><p>*</p><p>
  <strong>“Doctor! I think she’s waking up!”<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Ashley blinked, and for a brief moment her mind felt clear and quiet. She was lying down, probably at the medical station at her outpost, and-<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Then the images came back.<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>She threw herself upright, forcing air into her lungs as she snapped her eyes shut.<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Death. Sawing. Circuit boards. Blood. Wires. Burning flesh. Boiling tar.<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>She shook her head violently, sobbing, and tangled her hands into her hair; maybe a sharp pain would bring her back to the moment.<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“Chief Williams! Can you hear me? You need to lie down.”<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>The voice was unfamiliar to her, and sounded like it was reaching her from underwater. She allowed two pairs of hands to start gently lowering her back onto the bed, but another flash of suffering assaulted her vision, turning her stomach and making her retch over the side of the bed, the taste of bile in her throat.<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>The doctor brought up a screen on her omnitool and took another look at the results of her scans. “Physically you’re fine, but I detected some unusual brain activity. Abnormal beta waves-”<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Before she could finish, Ashley grabbed the front of the doctor’s uniform and brought their faces level with each other. There were tears rolling down her cheeks.<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“Make them…stop.”<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>She let go of the doctor and pushed the heels of her hands into her eyes. “The pictures…please!”<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>At that moment, Captain Anderson entered the med bay and stopped dead in the doorway when he caught sight of the Chief.<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Chakwas turned to him. “I’m giving Chief Williams a sedative – she’s in no position to be debriefed.”<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>He quickly retreated, while Shepard stood in awe of the doctor’s ability to exert complete control over her domain.<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Making her way to the door as well, Shepard paused to watch as Chakwas administered the sedative. Williams took a long, slow breath, the muscles in her neck and shoulders relaxing as she quickly slipped out of consciousness.<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“I’ll run more tests on our way to the Citadel,” Chakwas whispered. “But it’s likely this was caused by little more than shock. The Gunnery Chief is going to be fine.”</strong>
</p><p>************</p><p>Shepard rarely slept more than five hours. Six hours max. But the hunt for Saren was taking up so much headspace that she was lucky to manage three hours at a time. It was a blessing though, because sleep only brought more flashbacks; images she still didn’t understand, but that left her with a terrible, empty kind of fear and panic that she couldn’t shake. And the sounds… an endless soundtrack of alien screaming and grinding machinery that she could almost hear any time she was somewhere too quiet. That was one of the reasons she was spending so much time speaking to the crew: Wrex’s mercenary tales, Tali’s stories of the migrant fleet, Ash’s banter; they all kept things…noisy. But it also meant she was getting closer to people, and that felt good. It had been a really long time since she’d allowed herself to do that.</p><p>And then there was Kaidan. Speaking to him, it was almost as if the Prothean beacon had never happened.</p><p>*</p><p>
  <em>Kaidan spent most of his nights in the med bay. Dr Chakwas was kind about it. If he turned up in his sweats she just moved into the office with a nod and a “Lieutenant”, after placing his meds on the desk. He was starting to feel like a burden though. The first time he joined the ground team after Eden Prime, he’d developed a migraine within minutes; as soon as the gunfire started it had reverberated in his skull to the point where his brain had felt like an elastic band being plucked. He had sat behind cover trying to retain consciousness while shimmering shapes danced endlessly across his vision. The first time he joined the team for a drop in the mako he’d vomited inside his helmet and had to be extracted immediately, spending the next 12 hours in the dark on his usual hospital bed.<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>So, he stopped asking to join the ground team, and tried to be useful on the ship. Adams was probably just taking pity on him, but he’d picked up lots of work in engineering. The eezo from the drive core was soothing somehow. He was also putting his training as a field medic to good use, meeting the ground team in the hangar bay to treat minor wounds that didn’t require the doctor’s attention. The Commander would sit with him in what he hoped was companiable silence while he patched her up. They got along well; he just wished she didn’t seem so reluctant to speak to him for too long, as if a quiet conversation might be enough to break him.<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>At least sleep was peaceful. He had occasional dreams dominated by visions of ancient temples, child-like screams, primordial ooze, but as they continued, they horrified him less and less. Instead, they made him feel determined: whatever had happened to those people, whether they were the Protheans or some other ancient race, it wasn’t going to happen again.</em>
</p><p>*</p><p>
  <strong>Ashley was jumping at shadows, in no small part because she was completely surrounded by the unfamiliar: thrust onto a ship, working with aliens, a whole new squad… and then there was this thing in her head; she was calling it ‘The Thing’, but it was more like a collection: a flipbook of horror denying her sleep and making her wince every time she heard a mechanical noise, or a laugh from a crewmate she mistook for a scream. The crew didn’t like her, and why should they? If they’d known her before ‘The Thing’ it would be different, but as it stood, they only knew her as the woman who screamed at them if they walked into a room and she wasn’t expecting them. The CO did a good job of trying to make her feel at home, but Ashley could smell pity from a mile away.<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>She retreated in on herself; kept to her corner of the hangar bay, took her meals after the others had long left the mess, spent her time cleaning the guns… it was busy work, of course, but it kept her just occupied enough to keep ‘The Thing’ snoozing.<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Because it wasn’t a part of her, not by a long-shot. It hadn’t displaced any memories she created herself; that she had really seen or felt or lived through. She reacted to it, but it didn’t control her reactions. It’s presence in her mind upset her, but it hadn’t become her, and she wasn’t going to let it.</strong>
</p><p>************</p><p>“Commander? You look… pale. Are you suffering any ill effects of the cipher?”</p><p>Shepard looked over at Liara. “The cipher shook me up a bit.”</p><p>“I might be able to help you. I am an expert on the Protheans. If I join my consciousness to yours maybe we can make some sense of it.”</p><p>Shepard jumped to her feet. “Do it. Hurry, we don’t have much time.”</p><p>Dr T’Soni’s eyes searched Shepard’s face. “Relax, Commander… Embrace eternity!”</p><p>The images flashed through her mind again, but slightly clearer round the edges. She could make out more details in the buildings; there was a language being spoken behind the grinding sounds, but one she’d never heard before. As quickly as the images returned, they disappeared again, and Shepard opened her eyes to see Liara looking ill, but bright-eyed, in front of her.</p><p>“That was incredible!” Liara gushed, swaying slightly. “All this time. All my research. Yet I never dreamed…”</p><p>The Asari faltered, raising her hand to massage her temples.</p><p>“I’m sorry. The images were so vivid. I never imagined the experience would be so… intense. You are remarkably strong-willed, Commander. What you’ve been through, what you’ve seen, would have destroyed a lesser mind.”</p><p>Dr T’Soni swayed again, this time looking like she was going to faint. “I’m sorry. The joining is… exhausting. I should go to the medical bay and lie down for a moment.</p><p>Shepard nodded, concerned. “Dr Chakwas should take a look at you.”</p><p>“That won’t be necessary. I just need some rest. Somewhere quiet.”</p><p>Shepard lunged forward as Liara’s legs crumpled underneath her. Wrex took her other arm and the two of them helped her out to the med bay.</p><p>*</p><p>
  <em>“Lieutenant? You look… pale. Are you suffering any ill effects of the cipher?”<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Kaidan barked out a laugh that he quickly stifled, and attempted to disguise it as a cough. He didn’t want to have to explain the concept of a humorous understatement to Liara.<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I… well, both it and the visions have taken their toll.”<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The Asari looked sympathetic, which was sweet of her but made Kaidan feel uncomfortable. Their young archaeologist had spent quite a lot of time looking at him already, probably eager to ransack his brain for Prothean titbits, but still, he didn’t want people getting the wrong idea; especially not a certain person.<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I might be able to help you. I am an expert on the Protheans. If I join my consciousness to yours, maybe we can make some sense of it.”<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He didn’t like the sound of that. His ‘consciousness’ hadn’t been particularly calm or predictable of late, and he didn’t like the idea of another person having to deal with the effects of the cipher, but Shepard had already nodded and leapt out of her seat.<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“That seems like a good idea,” she said, but catching the look on Kaidan’s face, she added: “With your permission, Lieutenant. It’s not an order.”<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He wanted to refuse, but Shepard seemed unusually animated, almost as much as Liara, and this was at least a way to be of some real use to the mission. He nodded.<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Relax Lieutenant. Embrace eternity!”<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The images returned, but each stayed a little longer, seemed sharper, and brought with it a stronger, clearer emotion: desperation, fear, abject panic. They filled his throat until he was choking on them, but the scenes continued to unfold before him, brimming with anguish and desolation. So many dead. He had to stop it.<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The flare was so bright it was almost white, surrounding his body for the briefest moment before bursting out beyond the confines of the briefing room, throwing the crew out of their seats. Shepard and Liara were picked off their feet and hurled at the wall as the wave of biotics hit them. Kaidan opened his eyes to carnage of his own making.<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Fuck! Alenko, I think I’ve broken a rib.”<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Joker lay on the floor clutching his side and wheezing. The others were slowly picking themselves up, looking apprehensively at Kaidan as if he were an unexploded bomb; all apart from Shepard, who rushed forward and put a hand on his arm. “Are you OK? What was that?”<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“A reaction to a genocide,” said Liara, who was swaying slightly now that she was back on her feet. She grabbed the back of the chair to steady herself. “All this time. All my research. Yet I never dreamed… I’m sorry. The images were so vivid. I never imagined the experience would be so intense. It’s no wonder you’ve been struggling with this burden Lieutenant, what you’ve seen would have destroyed a lesser mind.”<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Kaidan didn’t hear a word Liara had said though. He was suddenly a seventeen-year-old again, seeing the horror at his own lack of control reflected in the eyes of his friends, of everyone around him, a sickening guilt seeping into his core. He blinked the memory away and tried to breathe.<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Some help would be nice,” Joker squeaked, still on the floor. “Once the women are done fussing over the poor man who just THREW US ACROSS THE ROOM LIKE WE WERE CHEESEPUFFS!”<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Garrus and Ash cautiously helped Joker limp to the med bay.<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“That wasn’t just a biotic flare though Lieutenant,” Shepard said with genuine concern. He noticed, as heat rose to his cheeks, that she still had her hand on his forearm. “I haven’t been around too many biotics, but I’ve never seen raw power like that from you before. I don’t think I’ve ever seen it.”<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Kaidan didn’t know how to respond, but as he tried to process his thoughts Dr T’Soni swayed again.<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I’m sorry. The joining is…exhausting. I should go to the medical bay and lie down for a moment.<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Shepard nodded, concerned. “Dr Chakwas should take a look at you.”<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“That won’t be necessary. I just need some rest. Somewhere quiet.”<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Shepard lunged forward as Liara’s legs crumpled underneath her. Kaidan took her other arm, stomach still roiling with guilt, and the two of them helped her out to the med bay.</em>
</p><p>*</p><p>
  <strong>“Chief Williams? You look… pale. Are you suffering any ill effects of the cipher?”<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Ashley looked up into eyes which were genuine, open and non-judgemental. They weren’t asking why she had been brought onto the ship and what she had to bring to the mission. They didn’t pity her for what happened on Eden Prime, or her unease, or her damn surname. It was the first time in a long time she’d heard a question with no edge or double meaning or tiptoeing on eggshells attached. She wanted to throw her arms around this Asari and weep.<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>She didn’t though. She was still a soldier.<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“I don’t even know where to begin.”<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Shepard looked at her thoughtfully. The CO had made a habit of asking her how she was doing regularly, but Ashley hadn’t been honest. If Shepard knew the extent of it an honourable discharge was inevitable. Ash ached to see her family again, but she couldn’t go home with her tail between her legs like that. It would have broken her father’s heart had he lived to see it.<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“May we have the room?”<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Shepard looked around at the assembled crew, who got up to leave. Shepard and Liara moved to sit either side of Ashley, who was looking down at her hands clasped nervously in her lap.<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“I don’t know if there’s anything we can do to help, Williams, but if you can talk about it, what you’re dealing with at the moment, perhaps that will be a first step.”<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Ashley took a long breath, squared her shoulders, and thought about how to start.<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“The visions, and now the cipher… I think they’re a warning. But I can’t make sense of them. And they’re just playing on an endless loop in my head, complete with the fear of the people who experienced them. I feel like I have the fear of billions of people stored in my brain… I know that sounds ridiculous…”<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
<strong>“Not ridiculous.” Shepard leaned in a little and put a hand on Ash’s shoulder. “It sounds like something no one should have to experience. I’m… I’m so sorry Ashley.”
</strong>
</p><p>
 <strong>Shepard’s voice caught as she said those words. Ashley looked across at her in confusion.<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“It’s not your fault ma’am.”<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“You put yourself in harm’s way because I wasn’t careful. And then I encouraged you to take on the cipher as well: putting the mission ahead of the wellbeing of my crew. Of course it’s my fault, Williams.”<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Ashley had never seen the CO rattled, by it was clear she felt genuinely guilty and upset.<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Liara cleared her throat. “I might be able to help you. I am an expert on the Protheans. If I join my consciousness to yours, maybe we can make some sense of it.”<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Ashley got ready to object, but Liara pre-empted her. “I do not believe the effect will be as severe when transmitted from a conscious mind, rather than the Prothean beacon itself, and I can cut short the joining at any moment. I am not in any danger.”<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>The Chief turned to look at Shepard, hardly daring to hope that the Commander would sign off on this, but was surprised by her confident nod.<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“I trust you Liara, but only if this is what you want Williams.”<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Ashley allowed herself to be pulled to her feet by the Asari, who kept hold of her hands as she said, calmly: “Relax Chief Williams. Embrace eternity!”<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>The sequence of horror, ‘The Thing’, replayed for the millionth time through Ashley’s head, but this time was different. The feel of Liara’s hands in hers kept her grounded, gave her a real-world focus which stopped her being dragged into the hell playing out in flashes. Clearer flashes though, this time. She caught an alien face she hadn’t noticed before; a stone building deep in some sort of jungle; circuit boards and flesh being fused together.<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>She didn’t realise how tightly she was gripping Liara’s hands until the Asari pulled away, drops of purple blood blossoming on her palms.<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“All this time. All my research. Yet I never dreamed…” Dr T’Soni shook her head, then quickly grasped the back of the chair to keep herself upright. “I’m sorry. The images were so vivid. I never imagined the experience would be so intense. You are a remarkable woman, Chief Williams: what you have seen would have destroyed a lesser mind.”<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Ashley knew she could be prideful; it was something her teachers, coaches, COs had pulled her up on, but secretly her father had encouraged it. She felt the spark of it then, and smiled for the first time since the beacon was unearthed, from relief if anything. Someone telling her she wasn’t weak, or broken, or pathetic: it shouldn’t have mattered, but it did.<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Despite holding onto the chair, Dr T’Soni swayed again.<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“I’m sorry. The joining is… exhausting. I should go to the medical bay and lie down for a moment.<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Shepard nodded, concerned. “Dr Chakwas should take a look at you.”<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“That won’t be necessary. I just need some rest. Somewhere quiet.”<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Shepard lunged forward as Liara’s legs crumpled underneath her. Ashley took her other arm, feeling a little guilty that her own calmer frame of mind had seemed to cost Liara something, and the two of them helped her out to the med bay.</strong>
</p><p>************</p><p>“Reinforcements. We better hurry.”</p><p>The geth drop ship flew low and headed in the direction Shepard and the ground team had just come from.</p><p>Shepard’s comm crackled until she could hear Kaidan’s voice. “… geth pouring out all over the bomb site.”</p><p>Her blood froze in her veins, but she tried to stay calm as she asked: “Can you hold them off?”</p><p>She could hear gunfire in the background as Kaidan replied: “There’s too many. I don’t think we can survive until you get here.”</p><p>The Lieutenant paused, then continued in a determined voice. “I’m activating the bomb.”</p><p>“Alenko, what’re you doing?!”</p><p>“I’m just making sure this bomb goes off… no matter what.”</p><p>Shepard had only been CO for a matter of months, and she hadn’t yet needed to face the possibility of losing someone under her command. No, this wasn’t going to happen.</p><p>“It’s done Commander,” Kaidan reported, accompanied by more gunfire. “Go get Williams and get the hell outta here!”</p><p>“Screw that!” Ashley’s voice this time. “We can handle ourselves! Go back and get Alenko!”</p><p>There was no time to think; no obvious path through this that Shepard could see which got both Kaidan and Ashley safely back to the Normandy. Both exceptional officers… well liked… resourceful… a choice couldn’t be made on merit. She closed her eyes.</p><p>“Alenko… radio Joker and tell him to meet us at the bomb site.”</p><p>Even over the noise of the heat of battle, she heard Kaidan’s shocked intake of breath.</p><p>“… Yes… Commander, I… I…”</p><p>She could feel her heart break a little then: for Ash, for the relief Kaidan couldn’t disguise in his voice, for herself and the hundreds of decisions just like this one which could be waiting in her future.</p><p>“You know it’s the right choice LT.”</p><p>Shepard almost smiled at the genuine warmth and certainty in Ash’s voice right then.</p><p>“I’m sorry Ash. I had to make a choice.”</p><p>Shepard, Garrus and Wrex turned to run back to the bomb site as Ash cut in: “I understand Commander. I don’t regret a thing.”</p><p>*</p><p>
  <em>“Reinforcements. We better hurry.”<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Shepard’s comm crackled until she could make out Lieutenant Alenko’s voice. “…geth pouring out all over the bomb site.”<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Shepard stopped dead. Kaidan hadn’t been back in the field long, and she’d allowed it against her better judgement. His technical know-how made him the perfect choice to arm the bomb, but she hadn’t been expecting an entire geth drop ship.<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“We’re coming back.”<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Garrus and Wrex followed her as she got Ash on the comm. “Williams, we’re doubling back to protect the bomb. Try to get to the rendezvous-”<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Shepard’s vision glowed blue, and for a moment she felt almost weightless, before she was slammed to the floor, Garrus landing next to her, rifle rattling across the concrete.<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“What was that? Normandy! Report!”<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Joker’s voice rang out clearly. “Massive biotic event at the bomb site. Huge energy discharge. Something’s still emitting a large energy signature, but it seems stable.”<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I’ve got this, Commander. Go get Williams.”<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Kaidan’s voice was assertive, calm. Shepard paused.<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“What’s happening down there, Lieutenant?”<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“The geth have been dealt with, Commander. I’m holding up a barrier in case any more show up. We’re ready for your signal.”<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Shepard hesitated, turning to Wrex, who simply shrugged and started back towards the AA tower.<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Shepard exhaled. “Look alive Chief. Help is on its way.”</em>
</p><p>*</p><p>
  <strong>They heard a scream, then Kirrahe’s voice cutting through: “The geth have swarmed our position; there aren’t enough of us to hold them. They’re making their way back inside the facility.”<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“It’s OK Commander,” Kaidan said. He must have been with Shepard at the bomb site. “I need a couple of minutes to finish arming the bomb. Go get the salarians and meet me back here.”<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>As they continued listening in to the mission from the Normandy cockpit, they saw a geth dropship heading for the facility.<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“Shit!” Joker swore, as he played nervously with the peak of his cap just as the radio blazed with static.<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“…geth pouring out all over the bomb site.”<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Ash was used to listening in to the comm activity with Joker while the Commander was ground-side. Joker was…nice. Correction, Joker was an ass, but he was nice to <em>her</em>, and he did a good job of voicing the same bitterness she felt about being stuck on the ship while the others were risking their lives.<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>But despite being used to listening to these missions from a distance, Kaidan’s message filled Ashley with a cold fear she hadn’t felt since losing her squad on Eden Prime.<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“Can you hold them off?”<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Joker and Ashley both leant forward, holding their breath.<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“There’s too many. I don’t think we can survive until you get here… I’m activating the bomb.”<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“Alenko” What’re you-”<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>The sound of an explosion, followed by rapid gunfire, blasted through the comm and forced Ash and Joker back into their seats. Ash turned to their pilot.<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“They need back-up. Get us in the air Joker.”<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>She marched through the CIC and up to the XO with determination coursing through her body.<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“Permission to suit up. Both ground teams are pinned down. We need an extraction team.”<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Pressly looked entirely unconvinced. “Chief Williams, you don’t have the authority-“<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“They’re being killed out there,” Joker shouted, his voice blaring out across the CIC. “You’re the XO – do something about it!”<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Ash wondered whether he was going to crumble, but instead his face settled into a picture of steely resolve.<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“Williams, take Waaberi and Chase with you to the armoury. Joker, get us in as close to the bomb site as possible. Power to forward shields.”<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>As the Normandy got into position, Ash rescued her unused gear from her locker. Unused, but still gleaming. A good soldier never failed to take care of their gear. With assault rifle in hand, she felt she had a purpose; more than she had done for a very long time.<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“Commander Shepard? This is Chief Williams. Do you read me?”<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“…-liams? Wha-… the bomb?”<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“You’re breaking up Shepard. We’re here to get you out. What are your coordinates? Commander, do you copy.”<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>There was a long silence, punctuated by short bursts of static.<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“…No… the bomb.”<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>A brief moment without static or gunfire gave Shepard enough time to relay her message.<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“The mission takes priority. Don’t come for us. Protect Alenko and the bomb.”<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Ashley’s blood turned to ice as she realised what Shepard was preparing to do.<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“That’s an order Chie-! …-enko… -plete the mission!”<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Ashley faltered for the first time since she’d left the cockpit as she replied: “Aye aye ma’am.”<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“…an honour Chief,” said Shepard. “I don’t regret a thing.”</strong>
</p><p>************</p><p>“I can’t believe that Ash didn’t make it. How could we just leave her down there?”</p><p>Kaidan sounded angry… the same emotion she was fighting against and losing. The same emotion on the faces of all the crew.</p><p>“Williams knew the risks going in,” said Shepard, though it sounded hollow even as the words were leaving her mouth. “She gave her life to save the rest of us.”</p><p>Kaidan looked at her helplessly. “…but why me? Why not her?”</p><p>“I’m sorry Kaidan,” Shepard said, dropping her gaze. Ash’s death, Kaidan’s guilt… just more for her shoulders. When she looked back up, it was into his eyes which were pleading with her for an answer.</p><p>“I could never leave you behind. I couldn’t. You know that.”</p><p>Kaidan sighed. “I know. And I am grateful, but Ash died because of me… because of us.”</p><p>The raw pain in Kaidan’s voice cut Shepard deeply. “It wasn’t your fault,” she said, with a total certainty she hoped he’d pick up on. “It wasn’t my fault. The only one to blame here is Saren.”</p><p>It was the obvious thing to say, and she could tell that Kaidan was going to need more time, but he managed to respond.</p><p>“Yes ma’am. I… We’ll get it done.”</p><p>*</p><p>
  <em>“STG are set up in the cargo bay. Captain Kirrahe was impressed with how the mission was pulled off. As was I. Good work, from all of you.”<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The euphoria of the rest of the crew was rubbing off on Kaidan: they’d blown up the facility, rescued most of the STG, and hadn’t lost any of their own marines. A miracle really. The feeling was snuffed out seconds after he’d acknowledged it, however, as he noticed the Commander was looking at him with an odd expression.<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I won’t keep you,” she said to the assembled crew. “You deserve to relax a little. Everyone but a skeleton crew is off-duty until we reach the Citadel at 0500 hours. Good work, team.”<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The assembled crew grinned as they got up and headed to the door, patting each other on the back.<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Lieutenant, a moment?”<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Kaidan’s stomach fell to the floor as the exiting crew shot him curious glances over their shoulders. Shepard waited until the doors had closed behind them before taking a seat next to Kaidan and giving him a look that he was becoming familiar with: empathetic, direct, open.<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Lieutenant, explain to me again what happened at the bomb site.”<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Kaidan forced himself to meet her gaze as he recounted the events of the afternoon for the second time: how he’d sent out a biotic wave which seemed to overload the geth’s systems, then held up a barrier to protect the bomb while they waited for extraction. She listened in silence, never shifting that direct stare which was causing a blush to creep up his neck. When he was finished, she simply nodded, then sat back in her chair.<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Did you feel in control?”<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He put himself back into that moment when the geth started approaching. Grieco and O’Reilly were entirely out in the open. He could feel the limits of his biotics, and knew clearly that he could reach the edge of the bomb site. Calm and sure.<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Yes,” he said, trying to transmit every ounce of certainty he had. “No one’s more surprised than me, but yes I did.”<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He thought he caught the ghost of a smirk play round Shepard’s lips, but her face settled back into its neutral ‘Commander’ expression almost instantly, though the smile stayed in her eyes.<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Understood Lieutenant. I trust you.”<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The Commander was always professional; it was always ‘Lieutenant’, not ‘Alenko’; never ‘Kaidan’. She’d been concerned about him after Eden Prime, but had given him his space while he was suffering from an uptick in migraines. He couldn’t claim the two of them were close. So why had such a simple statement, ‘I trust you’, felt so important and intimate and sent his heart racing?<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He cleared his throat to hide his sudden confusion. Shepard had already stood up and started crossing the room to leave, but she paused in front of the doors and turned back, looking, dare he think it, bashful.<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I’m glad we’ve got you back on the team, Kaidan.”<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And with that, she walked through the doors, leaving Kaidan thanking God that she hadn’t stuck around to see him blush like a high-schooler being asked to prom.</em>
</p><p>*</p><p>
  <strong>The mood on the ship was sombre. More than sombre: despairing. Pressly hadn’t called anyone for a debrief, preferring to leave that to Anderson when they returned to the Citadel.<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Ashley sat back up in the cockpit with Joker. Now that the adrenaline had worn off, she felt jumpy again, and didn’t want to upset the already sensitive crew. She also didn’t want to run into Alenko. She had heard the gossip about Kaidan and the Commander; knowing that he’d been saved at Shepard’s expense… Ashley wasn’t sure she could guess how shitty that would feel, and Alenko was exactly the kind of guy to brood and dwell on it, blaming himself for something that was completely out of his control.<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>But the longer she hid in the cockpit, drowning in the silent misery pouring off the pilot, the more she realised that Kaidan probably needed answers, and she was perhaps the only one who could give them. If her family’s military history had taught her anything, it was that actions in the heat of battle required a certain type of grit, but dealing with the consequences was where the real bravery kicked in.<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“Joker, do you know where the Lieutenant is at the moment?”<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Jeff turned to her with an expression which told her he’d barely registered what she’d said, but after a few moments he turned to the screen on his left and started flicking through the different camera feeds.<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“Cargo bay.”<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>She got up wordlessly and made her way down to the engineering deck. Wrex was in his usual corner, but otherwise the whole hangar looked empty.<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“Are you there, LT?”<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>She heard a sharp intake of breath from the direction of the mako, and found the Lieutenant sitting on the floor with his back against one of the wheels. She plopped herself down a few feet away from him and kept her eyes fixed at the wall; a quick glance at his face had already told her that he’d been crying.<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“Why me? Why not her?”<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>It was a rhetorical question, but even if it hadn’t been, what would have been the point in answering? They all knew why; they just didn’t like it.<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Wordlessly, Ash reached out a hand across the floor, and grasped Kaidan’s. He turned to her, shocked.<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“I’m sorry,” she said, still staring forward. “I cared about her too. I’m…”<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>She swallowed the cliché. Kaidan flipped over his hand to grasp hers back.<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“What do we do now?”<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Finally, Ash turned to look him in the eye, fire in her next words. “We track them down and we make them pay. For Shepard.”<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>He nodded. “For Shepard.”</strong>
</p><p>************</p><p>“Go!”</p><p>Shepard sprinted across the Council Chamber as the sound of shattering glass thundered above them and the entire tower shuddered. A huge chunk of glowing metal crashed to the floor in front of her, blocking her view of Kaidan and Liara, but before she could shout out to them the floor cracked beneath her feet, and a shockwave threw her to the floor. Everything went black.</p><p>“…Captain Anderson! We’ve found them! They’re in here.”</p><p>Shepard heard the voice, but muffled, as if calling from a long distance away. As she opened her eyes, she realised she was lying on her back, debris from the roof of the Council Chamber pinning her down. Her arms were free though, and she started pushing the rubble off her body.</p><p>“Where’s the Commander?”</p><p>That sounded like Captain Anderson’s voice. Shepard put everything she had into lifting the metal girder lying across her body up enough to slide out from under it. The pain in her side indicated a fairly serious injury, but she gritted her teeth and dragged herself over the Reaper arm lying in her way. Catching sight of the Captain standing with Kaidan and Liara, her heart leapt, and then did a somersault at the look of utter relief on Kaidan’s face.</p><p>She tried her best not to grin like an idiot in front of the Captain, but she failed miserably.</p><p>*</p><p>
  <em>“Go!”<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Shepard sprinted across the Council Chamber as Kaidan turned first to see where Shepard was, then second towards the ceiling which ballooned outward then burst as a Reaper arm, almost larger than the entire Normandy crashed through the chamber.<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He acted on reflex, turning back and sprinting towards Shepard. Just as he reached her, he threw up the strongest barrier he could manage, still feeling depleted after the fight with Saren.<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He didn’t realise it had worked until he felt a hand on his arm. He looked up to see Shepard standing over him, and followed her eyeline over their heads to the barrier he was easily holding in place.<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It was huge; easily twenty feet in diameter. Above them, a chunk of ceiling and the Reaper arm were suspended over their heads, a blue patina shimmering over the debris.<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Seeing the extent of what he was holding up, he wavered slightly, the barrier flickering but continuing to hold firm. It felt like he was holding up a bookcase, not half of a roof and a shuttle-sized chunk of Reaper. He did have some small, glittering shapes starting to appear at the edges of his sight if he moved his head, which, if the last few weeks were anything to judge by, meant that a debilitating migraine was about 6 minutes away.<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“We need everyone out of the chamber so I can drop the barrier safely. Shepard, can you reach-”<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Captain Anderson! We’ve found them! They’re…”<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>As Anderson reached the top of the stairs, his eyes flew to the source of the barrier, standing in the centre of the room surrounded by a blue corona.<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Holy hell!” Anderson exclaimed.<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Shepard walked through the edge of the barrier without resistance, reached Ash, who had sheltered under the mezzanine ceiling, and made her way to Anderson and the first responders who were camped at the top of the stairs in frozen astonishment at the Atlas-like figure at the centre of the room.<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Alenko, the area is clear!”<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>His vision was already swimming, accompanied by a burning sensation in the back of his neck which must have been from the implant. Less than six minutes then; this migraine was going to be monumental. But one thing at a time.<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Kaidan backed up slowly, reducing the size of the barrier and controlling the fall of the rubble, until the Reaper arm crashed a little too quickly and the noise reverberated through him, lighting his brain on fire.<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The barrier fell immediately as Kaidan crumpled to the floor with his head in his hands, the rest of the rubble crashing down around him. Shepard, Ashley and Anderson all ran forward. As they reached Kaidan’s prostrate form, they picked him up under the arms, Shepard on one side, Anderson on the other, and he hissed through gritted teeth, eyes screwed up in torture.<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Anderson met Shepard’s eyes and raised his eyebrows. “This is going to be an interesting debrief, Commander.”</em>
</p><p>*</p><p>
  <strong>The first thing Ashley felt was the shuddering from the Council Chamber floor, followed by the sound of shattering glass. There was no time to run, so she, Kaidan and Garrus all threw themselves to the floor, arms over their heads as the debris slammed down around and on top of them.<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Ashley screamed out in pain and shock as she was plunged into darkness. A stabbing in her right leg threatening to drag her out of consciousness, except for the visions suddenly returning: Ilos, Reaper creatures, Protheans screaming… the images replaced the dark, and for the first time they filled her with determination rather than revulsion. Her breathing slowed to match the rhythm of the familiar images flashing through her brain, and when she opened her eyes ‘The Thing’ seemed to slither back into the recesses of her head leaving behind a clearness of purpose.<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>She reached down to the source of the pain in her leg, feeling something metal piercing the flesh. Biting down on her left gauntlet, and gripping the shrapnel with the right, she pulled.<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“FUCK!”<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Leg free, she dragged her body along the floor by her elbows, reaching a gap through which she could see the light and smoke from the fires on the other side of the room. Using her still functioning left leg, she started to push herself up and out from under the debris, but it was then that she heard a low moan from her right. Twisting her body as far as she could, she saw Garrus’s head and shoulders; the rest of his body was blocked by a huge ceiling panel. Rolling onto her front again, she was able to drag herself over to him.<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“Can you move, C-Sec?<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Garrus nodded as he tried to sit up, but then gasped. “Actually, maybe not.”<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Slowly, Ash flipped onto her back, and braced her good foot against the panel.<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“On three?”<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Garrus nodded grimly.<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“One. Two. THREE!”<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Garrus swallowed what sounded like a shriek as the pressure lifted from his torso and he eased himself out from under the panel.<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“Captain Anderson! We’ve found them! They’re in here.”<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Ashley could hear Kaidan’s voice as he called out to the soldiers sweeping torches across the chamber. A beam from one of the torches flashed past the opening in the rubble.<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“Hey! We’re under here! Hey!”<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>The Chief managed to wriggle her hand out of the opening.<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“Cavalry on their way, Turian. Try to look heroic for the photo.”<br/>
</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>He snorted, and then smiled for the first time in quite a while. “I’ll try my best, Chief.”</strong>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Endings</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sitting at her desk in the CO’s cabin (an insanely luxurious space that she could hardly believe was hers. Years of cramped bunks and sharing sleeper pods in shifts had lowered her expectations considerably), Shepard had a moment to reflect on the mission. On paper they were ready: the team were the best of the best, and fully focused on the task ahead. The Normandy had been upgraded, and EDI was giving them the edge they’d needed to get this far. Shepard herself was faster and stronger than she’d ever been. But none of that really mattered; the whole mission left her uncertain right through to her core. No matter the importance of stopping the Collectors, it all felt hollow, somehow. </p><p>Maybe it was the unshakeable feeling that she was running on borrowed time: an unsolicited encore. The feeling of wrongness was weaker when she spent time with Tali and Garrus. She’d forgotten all about it when she’d seen Wrex on Tuchanka, a warmth settling in her chest which was gone by the time she was standing on the deck of the SR2 again. Running around Illium with Liara brought it back though, and for a moment she was free of the fear of opening her airways to find no oxygen left to breathe in.</p><p>She missed them, her merry band of intergalactic misfits chasing a rogue Spectre. The good old days when they existed in blissful ignorance of the impending mass extinction event that no one with any power was taking seriously.</p><p>Shepard shook her head to throw off the self-indulgent wallowing. It wasn’t like her, and it wasn’t helpful. In fact, it was borderline childish. She needed to get a grip.</p><p>As she moved to get up, the photo on her desk caught and kept her attention. Her fingers itched over her terminal ready to pull up his message again, but she stopped herself. She knew it off by heart anyway.</p><p>
  <em>I couldn’t bear it if I lost you again.</em>
</p><p>She’d been resigned to the idea of the mission through the Omega-4 relay being a one-way trip. Not for them all: she was going to fight like hell to get her crew out of this alive. But for her… Shepard hadn’t been able to see a path out of this. Hadn’t really expected to see one. Not until the message, anyway.</p><p>
  <em>When things settle down a little… maybe… I don’t know. Just take care.</em>
</p><p>Closing her eyes, she could feel hands running down her arms, hesitant at first. Lips ghosting her neck, more intimate than kisses.</p><p>She opened her eyes as a new determination settled through her. If she could come back from this, the least he could do was try. She’d come back from worse before.</p><p>*</p><p>
  <em>Commander Alenko smiled as the quietest, least showy student in his class looked up from her omnitool and raised her hand.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I think I’m done, sir?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“You think, or you know?” he said, hiding his pride in his new star student behind his best ‘serious teacher’ face. “The safety of your squad could depend on it.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She looked down at the IED again, biting her lower lip, and for a moment Kaidan worried that she was going to second guess herself, but she took a deep breath, met his eyes, and nodded determinedly.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I’m done.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He couldn’t hide his grin this time as he stopped the timer and the other students either groaned in frustration or looked over at the student in admiration.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I’m impressed, Hughes. That’s a class-best time. You’re going on the board!”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>His pupil beamed as he added her name to his wall of fame at the front of the classroom.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I need you all to reread pages 206 through 232 on disarming incendiary IEDs in the field. Let’s see Hughes knocked off her top spot tomorrow! Class dismissed.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The students filed out, leaving with a nod or “Thanks sir” as they shuffled past him to the door. He held two of them back for not having their hair in a regulation bun and having a scruffy shirt collar respectively.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Making his way through the corridors of HQ back to his digs, he was reminded of how different his life was now that he’d been planet-side for two years. Not better, not worse, just… different. He loved working with his students: his sentinels-in-training. They had a long way to go, but looking at them every day he didn’t see a bunch of green recruits. He could see fulfilling careers in the Alliance spooling out ahead of them: crises they would manage, aid they would provide, countless lives they would save and improve. They had so much potential to do good in the galaxy, and he was determined that every single one was going to.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>This life also gave him enough time to manage his migraines, now calmed considerably after multiple intensive therapies. Not helped so much by several surgeries aimed at moving his implant: the working theory on the uptick in side-effects from his L2 implant, as well as the vastly increased biotic power, was that the blast from the beacon on Eden Prime had not only caused his implant to shift slightly, but had also fundamentally affected the way certain synapses fired in his brain, as if his brain had needed to evolve in order to process the thoughts and feelings of the Protheans. He could see the consultants and professors rubbing their hands in glee at the possibility of putting him through round after round of experimental treatments, probably resulting in a lecture tour and a best-selling book. No wonder he rushed back to the sanctuary of the Alliance and good, honest, tangible work as soon as he was able.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Some days, though, he did miss his old life, waking up thinking he could hear the Normandy’s drive core pulsing under the floor. There was a camaraderie on a ship that couldn’t be replicated anywhere else. Bonds like they had on the Normandy weren’t forged anywhere but the fire of the mission.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He was glad to be able to keep speaking to SR1 friends. Ash’s messages were full of the same wit and heart and frustration (mostly frustration) that she’d always had in their chats in the mess, or over the workbench cleaning their gear. Joker sent him the odd nonsense here and there. Tali kept him up-to-date with her travels, sharing techy titbits or just checking in.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He’d even had messages from Shepard in those first few months after he left the Normandy, and he hoarded them like precious jewels. They sparkled with genuine warmth, each one feeling like he was sitting in the hangar bay listening to her say it all after getting out of the mako. She’d asked him for advice a few times, shared some worries, wanted to know how his recovery was going. Normal stuff, sure, but it felt special to him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He’d been building up the courage to ask her for dinner. Well, maybe just coffee. Something though, just the two of them. He’d suspected that a promotion was in the works for her; it had to be, after what she’d managed to pull off. And a promotion would necessitate a ceremony at HQ, bringing her to Vancouver. He’d written out the invite a dozen times and deleted it: too casual, not casual enough, borderline creepy stalker-ish…</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And then it didn’t matter, because Alchera happened.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>They’d only been friends. Were they even that? A loose friend-like connection based off a short time as colleagues, most of which he spent in a darkened room. It had felt like a lot more.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He couldn’t even make it to the memorial service; he was stuck lying in the spare bedroom at his parents’ house, already in his dress blues, body rigid with pain as he waited for the migraine to pass. The guilt of not being there took a lot longer to pass.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>His training post was new at the time, and only part-time to accommodate his therapy, but throwing himself into it helped, a lot. And he thought he was getting good at it; his students performed well in class, and he had a reputation for being tough but fair (he’d heard some of the nicknames the students had for him, and only a couple were unflattering. A few of them made him blush, but he told himself he only got those because most of the other teachers were over 80). </em>
</p><p>
  <em>When he got back to his rooms in the accommodation block, he had a message on his home terminal from Ash. Strange for it to go there and not his general email. The home terminal was encrypted though…</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He went straight to his desk to read it, having to pause, then reread, and then reread again to confirm that it said what he thought it said.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She’d seen her, on Horizon. Shepard was back.</em>
</p><p>*</p><p>
  <strong>As she ran through the facility, walls turning to pixels around her and binary flowing across her retinas as if it were as solid as the metal panels beneath her feet, she cursed the day she’d pushed Shepard out of the way of that fucking beacon.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>She’d resigned her position on the Normandy immediately after she was discharged from the hospital following the battle with Sovereign. The three months after the beacon had been unearthed on Eden Prime had been the darkest of her life. No matter how bad things got, she’d known, up until then, that mentally she was on solid ground; she could work through it, move past it, beat it into submission if required. But the beacon, ‘The Thing’, took away that certainty. Even after what they pulled off on Virmire, and Ilos, and the Citadel, she didn’t feel like she was anywhere near back to that solid ground. Maybe the ground had progressed to Jell-o, when straight after the beacon it had been lava, so that was something. She was never one to split tasks into manageable chunks and give herself a gold star for completing each one though. She would congratulate herself when she could mentally stand upright again, and not before.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>So, she went back home, taking some leave to stay with a sister. She ended up being used as free childcare, but she couldn’t complain: being cool Aunty Ash the space marine brought a smile to her face and enough noise into her days that her panicked reflexes had to give up from pure overstimulation. R&amp;R done, and some Alliance-mandated therapy (which wasn’t as bad as she thought it would be) and she was ready to get back to work. Not on another ship though; being ground-side would suit her fine.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>She kept up with Alenko, Liara and the rest of the Normandy crew. Anderson had taken command again after he turned down the councillor position. They were off hunting geth to start with, which seemed like a ridiculous waste of everyone’s time (their messages indicated that they tended to agree with her, although Alenko’s ‘Seems like the Alliance don’t know what to do with our intel’ was a little more subtle than Garrus’ ‘They fucked us!’). She had a lot more contact with Jeff than the others, but they rarely talked about work. Jeff felt like the only person outside of her family who she could really open up to. She discussed her therapy, and he could empathise to an extent, detailing endless futile trips to physiotherapists, chiropractors, and sports masseurs. Sure, it wasn’t the same, but sometimes Jeff’s tendency to play victim took the spotlight off her. Sometimes she suspected he knew that.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>She was still at her sister’s when she got the message about the attack; the Normandy destroyed, twenty crew members losing their lives, including Pressly. Thankfully the rest made it to the escape pods. Jeff said he’d hesitated: while they were hunting Saren, the Normandy had felt like such a home to him he’d have probably gone down with the ship, but it hadn’t felt like home since Shepard’s death. Ash attended the memorial service: a sombre affair, but it put her back in touch with Anderson.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>His first message the day after the service caught her off-guard, but she was intrigued, so she agreed to the meeting. He was halfway through recounting a story about N-School when she realised her was offering her a spot. Her. Ashley Williams. Granddaughter of humanity’s great embarrassment. Carrier of ancient alien memories and at least one major psychosis.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“You aced the physical, easily passed the personality test… on top of which we have your actions in the hunt for Saren to thank for the fact we’re not all sitting here as husks.”</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>So off she went to Rio. N1 sounded good once she’d earned it. So had N2. At N3 she had started to get used to it: the respect, awe even, she got from other marines. It was during the N5 training that she came to the realisation that the ‘mental solid ground’ she was striving for may never come, and that it didn’t matter at all. Fittingly, it was during zero-G survival training. The resident meathead of their cohort, a guy called Kim, crumbled after their 57th hour without sleep, wailing and screaming that he was going to sue the Alliance for mental torture. He was fine the next day, of course, shaking everyone by the hand as he got on his shuttle (there was no shame in dropping out of N-School), but for some reason his breakdown was the one that made her realise how far she’d come, and that her ‘recovery’ wasn’t about getting back to what she had before; she’d needed to surpass it whilst accepting what she was now.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>And that all led her to this spot, an Alliance undercover operative, N5, investigating a Cerberus facility suspected of housing geth. The anguished half-human, half-machine scream blaring from the speakers in every room and corridor reminded her of the pain of the entire Prothean race that she’d been carrying around in her head for years. This time, however, it wasn’t 50,000 years too late to do anything about it. </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>She lifted her pistol as she entered the AI lab, and fought with everything she had to save the sanity of David Archer.</strong>
</p><p>************</p><p>Just another day staring at the four walls of her room, dwelling on the time she was wasting. At first, the sunshine had fascinated Shepard; over a decade spent on ships and stations left her forgetting that indefinable feeling of sunlight on skin. She remembered lying on the grass outside their homestead on Mindoir, just drinking in the light and warmth, but their sun wasn’t as strong as Sol, or the atmosphere was thicker maybe? She hadn’t paid an awful lot of attention in Physics lessons; she’d always preferred Biology, like the good farmer’s daughter she was.</p><p>Watching the sun rise from her new window, or sitting in the golden light of the late afternoon in the courtyard at the barracks (with an escort, of course) had been an easy way to take her mind off how much time they were wasting when they should have been preparing for the Reapers. The distraction hadn’t lasted long though.</p><p>The gym was pretty good, and she had ample time to use it. Unfortunately for her waistline, the canteen was pretty good as well. A cushy prison, but a prison nonetheless.</p><p>Anderson sent her reports of possible Reaper activity: anomalies starting in the Viper Nebula, but then coming from further afield. It was worrying; more so because both the council and the Alliance seemed happy to ignore it. Thank god she had Anderson on her side, otherwise she’d probably have started to doubt her convictions. What was the phrase? If you’re the only sane person around, you start to look like the only insane person…</p><p>She turned at the sound of the door opening; now, that was a reminder that this was a door to a cell and not her own room: no one knocked.</p><p>“Commander.”</p><p>The marine standing in her doorway saluted.</p><p>“You’re not supposed to call me that anymore, James.”</p><p>“Not supposed to salute you either,” he replied. He’d normally be smirking at this point in their regular back and forth, but he looked serious, which got Shepard worried. “The defence committee wants to see you.”</p><p>She frowned. “Sounds important.”</p><p>Shepard followed James into the bustling corridor. It did sound important, and it also sounded bad. She spotted Anderson from a distance, and one look at the expression on his face told her everything she needed to know.</p><p>The Reapers were here.</p><p>*</p><p>
  <em>His shockwave finished off the two Cerberus goons making their way across Orian Hall towards the kids. Once he was sure they weren’t getting up again, he turned to check the students were OK, but stopped dead as a familiar voice called out his name.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Kaidan?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>His heart skipped as he looked at the woman he hadn’t seen for almost three years. Shepard hadn’t changed a bit, though he guessed that wasn’t much of an accomplishment when two of the three were spent in a coma. She sounded exactly the same too. He badly wanted to believe it was really her, especially when the surprise in her voice was overtaken now by the happiness spreading across her face. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>As she walked closer, he could see there was at least one change: the scar over her right eye was missing. Shame, it had been striking. Much like her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Kaidan couldn’t claim that he hadn’t changed himself. He was going grey at the temples. Was wearing glasses now too. He just needed a tweed blazer with elbow patches to complete the perfect image of a sedentary college professor. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>A crash behind him tore him away from his rambling thoughts and back to the here and now. An Atlas mech was lumbering up to the open the doorway; his students were out in the open in front of it.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He ran over to the closest student, Prangley, and threw up a barrier just in time to deflect the hail of bullets from the mech’s first attack. It had to stop firing momentarily to duck through the doorway, giving Kaidan his chance.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Up the stairs! Everyone!”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Running in the opposite direction, Kaidan sent out a warp to get the mech-pilot’s attention. He could hear a shout, followed by bullets ricocheting off the side of the mech, presumably from Shepard and her team. They’d seen him running, unarmed and without armour, out of cover in front of a twelve-foot tall mech and taken it to be some kind of heroic sacrifice. Not even close.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The blue glow around him fizzed as his power built. He watched as the mech started raising its arms again, but knew he was faster.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>His biotic charge slammed him into the mech with a force that caused it to topple backwards, but before it had even reached a 45-degree angle he’d smashed down on to the centre of its body with a full biotic punch that crumpled its chestplate like aluminium foil. Kaidan slid off the mech’s torso and to his feet as the sound of circuit boards crackling signalled an end to this particular mech’s functionality. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The head of the pilot was lolling at an angle which suggested they were out cold.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He suddenly became aware of clapping and hollering from the gallery above, with a dozen or so faces peering over the railing.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“What are we celebrating? Those were some seriously sloppy barriers back there, and we’re not out of this yet. Refuel and get ready to move out.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A few of the students rolled their eyes at him, but they all withdrew back on to the balcony. Dealing with unruly biotic teens was a lot harder than disciplined sentinel recruits, but being here to protect them now meant the transfer had been worth it.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He felt, rather than saw, Shepard standing beside him and as he turned to say something, her arms flung around him and he was pulled into a hug. He froze from the surprise, but managed to regain his composure quickly enough to hug her back before she pulled away and took a step backwards, appraising him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I mean, I shouldn’t be surprised you’ve perfected your superman routine, but I wasn’t expecting the Clark Kent glasses.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>His shocked expression elicited a bark of laughter from Shepard. He didn’t realise they were staring at each other until someone else cleared their throat, which broke the spell.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Liara!”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“It’s very good to see you again Commander Alenko,” she replied, a genuine smile on her face. “It seems like teaching suits you.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Thanks, I think it does. Speaking of which, do you have a plan to get out of here? I have 20 students with me, and access to the emergency shuttle is being blocked.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Shepard put her hand to her ear, then replied to someone on her comm.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“How long have we got…? Get out of here and back to the Normandy. We’ll find another way off this station… Shepard to Sanders: the students are safe, but the shuttle’s a no-go.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She listened a few seconds longer, then looked up at Kaidan.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I hope you haven’t been neglecting your tech skills, Commander. We may need your help.”</em>
</p><p>*</p><p>
  <strong>With Anderson’s new Normandy grounded, and the CO under investigation for his part in the Aratoht tragedy, Ashley was getting daily messages from Joker about how he was stuck groundside and going stir crazy. He swore blind in his message that there was nothing to do (sure, nothing to do in the cradle of human civilization, birthplace of the great poets, Shakespearean tragedy, rock music, mini-golf… Ashley rolled her eyes). She was heading back to earth herself: her assignment to confirm a sighting of a ‘monstrous ship’ in the Horse Head Nebula had clearly been a wild goose chase, and her browbeating of Admiral Huang paid off for once as she got herself some extended shore leave. She promised Jeff she’d visit Vancouver for a few days and they could explore the city together.  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>They’d spoken plenty since their days on the Normandy together, and seen each other a few times, but only as part of a larger group: they went for drinks with the rest of the team to celebrate Anderson becoming an Admiral, and saw Tali and Garrus on the Citadel after they made it back from a derelict reaper in what Garrus was insisting on calling their ‘Suicide Mission’. Jeff had stuck pretty close by her all night. She hadn’t noticed it at the time, but afterwards Tali had asked her if they were seeing each other, and Ashley was taken aback.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Jeff met her at the shuttle terminal, and she dropped her stuff at the hotel before going for a walk round Stanley Park. He seemed nervous, and the conversation was a little stilted. Ashley couldn’t work out if it was her who was giving off the weird energy or him.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“Drinks!” she shouted, out of nowhere. It was the only thing she could think of to get rid of the tension. “Day drinking is the number one perk of being on shore leave.”</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Sitting at the bar a few hours later, nursing a beer, Joker looked up at her nervously.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“Ash… I wanted to ask… to say… shit! Why is this so difficult?!”</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>She smiled secretly to herself. She knew why it was so difficult: they’d been friends for a long time, and that friendship meant an awful lot. It was scary, taking the next step. But they were both here, and she knew they’d both felt the same way for a while now.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“Come on – we’re dancing!”</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>She slipped off her bar stool and gently pulled him by the elbow. He tried to object, but only half-heartedly. </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Joker didn’t try to ask his question again out loud. Instead, it was in the way he tentatively danced a little closer to her and hesitantly put a hand on her waist. She didn’t need to say her answer either; instead, she slowly manoeuvred them to a darker corner of the bar and leaned in to kiss him. Then not so slowly manoeuvred him back to her hotel.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>A week later, still in Vancouver but now bunking in Jeff’s room at HQ, she was woken by a message to her omnitool. Jeff had left early to attend some sort of preliminary hearing in Anderson’s case. As she reached for her ‘tool on the bedside table, a booming sound shot through the room with a shudder. Another boom sounded just as an alarm started in the corridor. She jumped out of bed and threw some clothes on as she made her way over to the window. Nothing looked too out of the ordinary, except for some people running in the street below.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>She reached the door and joined the crowd of Alliance personnel dashing this way and that down the corridor. Everyone had the same panicked and confused expression. It wasn’t until she’d been jostled into the concourse that she remembered the message that had woken her up. Opening her inbox, she now had eight messages.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Ash, get to the shuttle bay now.<br/>
Ash! Are you there?<br/>
Get to shuttle quick!<br/>
Are you there?<br/>
Are you ok?<br/>
Please God tell me you’re getting these messages.<br/>
I’m on the Normandy. Speaking to Hackett and Anderson. We’re going to HQ to pick up Anderson. Alenko’s here already. Get to Anderson.<br/>
They’re here, Ash. The Reapers are here.</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>************</p><p>It’d been a week since the Citadel coup, and the shock and tragedy of that day were slowly being replaced by a sense of purpose. Their plan was actually working. Tali and Legion were back, and her favourite quarian’s excitement at the possibility of returning to Rannoch was infectious. As with their mission to Tuchanka, they were finding ways to bring some brightness back to the galaxy; to right old wrongs, not just deal more death. She clung to that: it was hope. And when everyone was working for a future that looked bright and worthwhile, she knew they fought harder. The Krogan were already proving it. </p><p>Shepard knew she was proving it as well. Back in the Alliance, back with her crew: the people who’d got her through Virmire, brought her back from the Omega-4 relay… every time she looked into their faces, she saw the reason why she had to fight so hard, and win. She realised that morning, as she left her cabin, that she hadn’t stared at her reflection trying to spot the metal in her eyes for weeks. She stopped absently feeling for the edge of the metal plate in her head just above her ear. She was feeling comfortable again. And real.</p><p>There was pressure though, like she’d never experienced. Every time she closed her eyes to sleep, she’d think of another ally they should have contacted, or another colony that might need protection, and would spend the rest of the night in a back and forth with Hackett or Victus or Tevos negotiating a way to make it happen. At least she knew they were getting as little sleep as she was.</p><p>Despite enjoying having so many friends and trusted colleagues around her, she was starting to avoid a few: Liara, Kaidan, Joker… they knew her well enough to see the cracks starting to show. Garrus too, but he was burning the candle at both ends as well, and she knew he wouldn’t outwardly show too much concern; not over a bit of tiredness at least. After Leviathan, Kaidan had begged her to take it easy, but she knew she couldn’t. Things were going to get worse before they reached the end of this. Under different circumstances, she might have found him worrying about her sweet, but now it just added to the list of white lies she was telling people daily.</p><p>She poured herself her fourth coffee of the morning and made her way to the war room, stubbornly avoiding eye contact with Kaidan as he entered the mess. She was so stubbornly staring forwards that she didn’t realise he’d doubled back to follow her until he stepped into the elevator next to her.</p><p>“Can we talk?”</p><p>Shepard braced herself for the incoming admonishment. He’d wrap it in a joke: something about caffeine being just as much of a drug as red sand, or some made-up stat about how many innocent people are hospitalised by insomniacs spilling scalding coffee on them. She smirked pre-emptively. She’d reply with some empty retort about angels sitting on her shoulder needing to be careful they didn’t get swatted. He’d exhale in frustration and then launch into his serious point about her wellbeing in his most Major Alenko-y voice…</p><p>She was so busy playing out the conversation in her head that she forgot she hadn’t actually answered his question, and looked over at him, taking in his bemused grin.</p><p>“Of course,… I mean, sure, yes, we can talk…”</p><p>She stopped rambling as Kaidan’s grin spread wider.</p><p>“I just wanted to ask, if you get a moment, we should head to the Citadel for a snack. I know a place that, er, still has steak.”</p><p>Her heart thumped in her chest as she nodded, feeling slightly dazed, and didn’t come back to her senses until he got out of the elevator ahead of her, an almost imperceptible hint of a swagger in his step. She downed her shot of caffeine, then picked her thoughts up out of the gutter and got them straight back onto the mission.</p><p>*</p><p>
  <em>It was a hard decision to leave his students and stay on the Normandy, but Kaidan knew that Kahlee Sanders would take good care of them. It had been a good call of hers to keep them in a support role: it was what he’d been advocating for, and they were going to make a big difference in this war. As were his sentinels from the Academy; EDI had been helping him track them down. Many were unreachable, and he feared the worst, but a number had been deployed off-planet when the Reapers had hit earth. He’d had word that two were helping with the Crucible project. His heart swelled with pride at the knowledge that they were making a difference in the galaxy. It was what he was trying to do as well.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The Normandy felt like the place where he could have the most impact, and do the most good.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The things Shepard and the crew had already achieved were mind-boggling: a cure for the genophage; peace and cooperation between the Krogan and the Turians. A few short months ago it would have been laughable to even suggest it was possible, but she’d done it. Every time he looked at her, he was overcome with awe at what she’d managed to pull off. Ash had only been back on board for a few days, but was already teasing him mercilessly for it: earlier that day, she’d caught him recounting the fight with Kalros to James; as he was saying for the third time that Shepard had been “amazing”, Ash had rolled her eyes and exclaimed “Alright already, you’re hot for the Commander, we get it. Lucky for you the showers onboard are cold, eh?”. He’d been too flustered to think of a come-back, so simply glowered as Ashley winked and dragged James away for their pre-breakfast workout.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“You got a moment, Kaidan?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He turned to see Ash in the doorway of the starboard observation deck. Her tone suggested something serious.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Sure, I’ve always got time for you, Ash.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She came to join him at the window, crossing her arms and staring out at the stars for a minute or so in silence. Kaidan worried about what she’d come to say: Ash never normally had a problem being direct, so she was obviously gearing up to say something he wasn’t going to want to hear.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Eventually, she let out a sigh and turned to look at him. “Kaidan, do you ever feel guilty… for leaving her?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He knew she meant Shepard. Kaidan’s eyes flew wide as he tried to process what Ashley meant. Was she implying that he wasn’t welcome after leaving the SR1? He searched her face, but all he saw was regret.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He turned back to the view of the stars. “Every day.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He let out a breath he might have been holding since he got the news about Alchera. He’d never voiced his guilt out loud; never even allowed himself to explore it, but that hadn’t stopped it from taking root.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I used to wonder, ‘Would she have died, if I’d been there? Would it have made a difference? Could I have got her to the shuttle?’, but I realised that I could never really know.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Ashley nodded grimly as Kaidan continued.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I don’t know. We all make decisions we regret, I guess what matters is what we do afterwards, to put it right.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“When we lost her…” Ash started, with a slight waver. “… it was like losing a limb. And I blamed myself, I think we all did. But then I was given a second chance: I saw her on Horizon. She asked me to help her, and I just walked away.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The deep regret in Ash’s voice hit Kaidan hard. He stepped closer to put a hand on her shoulder and squeezed it comfortingly.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“She doesn’t blame you; you know that?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Of course she doesn’t. She’s too fucking virtuous for her own good.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Kaidan laughed at that one out of shock. “Ouch! I mean, you’re not wrong, but… well, yeah, you’re not wrong. She’s forgiven all of the Normandy’s waifs and strays, hasn’t she?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Ash smiled as Kaidan continued. “We make our decisions based on the best information we have at the time. Don’t beat yourself up. If it’s any consolation, I wouldn’t have gone with her either, if I’d been on Horizon. Not if it meant joining Cerberus.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Bullshit!”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Ash turned to him with a look of comical disbelief on her face, and some of her trademark mischievousness sparkling in her eyes.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Alenko, if she told you she’d suddenly come round to the Reaper’s way of thinking, you’d rush to the front of the queue to get husked and you know it. You’ve got it bad, old friend.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He smirked. “No idea what you’re talking about, Lieutenant Commander Williams.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Ha! You can call me ‘Spectre Williams’ now, you Alliance peasant.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>They both giggled at that, then Ash’s smile faded a little as she said, sincerely: “Thanks Kaidan. I appreciate the chat.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Any time, Ash.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He moved his hand to her far shoulder and pulled her into an awkward, sideways hug. “We’re both here now. We’re helping. And we’re going to win.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She nodded “Hell yeah we are.”</em>
</p><p>*</p><p>
  <strong>With her back to the wall of the bombed-out apartment block, Ash could feel the tell-tale shuddering that accompanied a brute. A quick glance out of the alleyway confirmed it.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“Yellow team. Brute approaching your position. No confirmation on reaper-troop numbers. Do you have visual? Over.”</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“Affirmative, Lieutenant Commander. Brute is with three cannibals and a marauder. Over.”</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Not good news. A lone brute could be surrounded and have its health whittled down while it swung its dumb head in a circle trying to decide who to charge. Marauders had more smarts. She needed it taken out, and fast.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>As she entered the apartment block and looked for a window to give herself a clearer view of the incoming marauder, her thoughts wandered to the progress of the New Normandy and its crew.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>She’d never regretted her decision to stay on earth. Even as Jeff was practically screaming at her on her comm to join Anderson and Alenko onboard, she knew with 100% certainty that on Earth was where she could be of most use. The Normandy crew had already achieved the near impossible through political savvy and smart tactics; exactly what Anderson, Garrus and Liara were bringing to the table. Her? She was just a plain old soldier, and she needed to be where the fight was. Anderson had agreed, a look of almost paternal pride radiating onto her as he’d told her to stay safe.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Finding a third-floor window with a good view of the street, she radioed in to the rest of her team to ensure they were in position. Then she waited.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>As the brute lumbered closer, lazily swiping at burned out cars and chunks of concrete littering the once bustling Vancouver street, she held her breath.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“On my signal…”</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Just a few more seconds, and the reaper troops would be sandwiched between the two buildings where her snipers were stationed, and could easily be surrounded by yellow and green team waiting in the side-streets ahead and behind.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Before the Reaper troops were in her trap, however, someone in the building opposite opened fire. </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“Shit! Yellow team – GO!”</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Ash hauled herself away from her now useless perch and back down to the street below. Her snipers should be able to pick off the cannibals from above, but she needed the marauder out of play quick so that it couldn’t buff the brute’s shields, and the quickest way to do that was to get up close and personal.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>As she reached street level, she sprinted behind an overturned truck, spotting the marauder ahead: a horrible parody of a Turian. She could hear that her team had engaged the brute, while she could see her snipers were doing their job with the cannibals. Her turn.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>She threw an incendiary grenade wide, so that it bounced back towards the marauder from some rubble on the other side of the street. With its attention now in the opposite direction, Ashley slipped around the truck and quietly made it to within range. She broke into a run, raised her shotgun, and fired at the marauder’s head. As its shield failed and it staggered backwards, she finished the job with her omniblade.   </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“Marauder down. Joining Green team on the brute.”</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Racing back up the street, she could see that her squad had been hit in their disorganised ambush. Walsh was sitting behind cover with his leg at a sickening angle, and Beaulieu was gripping her left shoulder, blood oozing between her fingers. But with Ashley added to their firepower, and the marauder gone, they quickly managed to bring the brute down.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>They dragged Walsh into the nearest building to administer medigel and pop his hip back into place. As everyone gathered before heading back to the command centre, she spotted Robinson in the corner of the room looking stricken. No need to ask who took the early shot and messed up their trap then.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>As Ashley approached him, he visibly turned white and started to shake. Barely eighteen years old, he was at an Alliance recruitment fair when the Reapers arrived, and was swept up in the wave of soldiers running for their lives. He’d taken shelter with them in the basement of a high school in downtown Vancouver, and had asked to come with them when they started sending raiding parties into the city centre. He’d made a good lookout, and was resourceful, but the extent of his firearms training had been pointing an empty gun at a target drawn on the wall: they didn’t have the thermal clips to spare.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“I’m sorry, ma’am, I’m sorry, I…”</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>His lip trembled, and Ash was suddenly reminded of one of her younger sisters looking up at her with tears in her eyes after she’d been caught borrowing her clothes.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“Private,” she said calmly, holding up a hand to stop him talking. “You made a mistake today. That can’t be changed. What we can change is what we plan to do tomorrow. What do you plan to do?”</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>He looked at her bewilderedly, and wiped his nose on his arm, which only served to smear the mess all over his face. </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“I’ll tell you what you’re going to do: you’re going to get up, get ready, listen to your orders, and do better. That’s what we all do, every day. I’ve made too many mistakes to count, Private, and a number of them cost others their lives. But we don’t crumble and we don’t stop. We just do better.”</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>The kid nodded.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“Report to Delgado. She’ll want your help to get Walsh back to command.”</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>As Ash watched Robinson shuffle away, sniffling to himself, she took a deep breath and hoped that she could take her own advice.</strong>
</p><p>************</p><p>Shepard had felt excruciating pain many, many times before, but this pain was stabbing through every inch of her. The blast from the Reaper, almost hitting her directly, had thrown up a chunk of paving which hit her in the chest with such force that it had cracked her armour, and the resulting dent felt like it was crushing her lungs. The lack of oxygen in those first moments when she regained consciousness sent her straight back to Alchera: spinning endlessly towards the planet below as her lungs screamed their emptiness. But she knew she wasn’t there; there was solid ground beneath her and, as she opened her eyes, she could see the beam stretching up through the atmosphere.</p><p>She also saw Harbinger, but not bearing down on her as before; it was lifting off and moving away from the beam, presumably to face off against sword team.</p><p>The Normandy! Maybe Harbinger was leaving to attack the Normandy?! She scrabbled to sit up, hands finding little purchase on the rubble around her, and managed to twist her body far enough to look behind her. No sign of her ship. Relief swamped her. They’d made it clear then. She imagined that they were on their way to safety: she needed to believe that they were safe in order to summon the strength needed for this final push.</p><p>Shepard screamed in agony as she picked herself off the floor, clutching her side and hobbling toward the beam. Bodies littered her path, and she tried to commit each visible face to memory. Any one of them could have been Kaidan, or Liara, or her. There but for the grace of God go I. They deserved to be remembered.</p><p>Her ears were ringing, but the unmistakable moan of a group of husks cut through, and with extreme difficulty she raised her pistol to deal with them. Dispatching them took so much effort that her left knee gave way and she fell hard, barely having enough time to throw out her hands. The impact vibrated up her arms and she screamed again.</p><p>“Get up,” she ordered herself, through gritted teeth. “One, two, THREE!” </p><p>With what felt like a herculean effort, she staggered back to her feet, and was immediately hit in the upper arm by a shot from a marauder standing between her and the beam, barely more than 10 yards away; she could feel the beam’s energy washing over her like waves. She lifted her pistol again, arm shaking so much she could hardly aim, just hoping the equally injured-looking marauder would be a fraction of a second slower than her.</p><p>The shot reached its target, and the marauder crumpled to the floor, adding itself to the sea of debris and death stretching out around her.</p><p>The distance to her target could now be measured in steps. She dragged her almost useless left leg as she stumbled forward, each step bringing her closer to being able to end this for good.</p><p>Three steps. Two steps.</p><p>She broke into the closest thing to a run her battered body could manage, her face a picture of determination as she made her final push.</p><p>*</p><p>
  <em>Kaidan’s barrier was doing a good job of muting the chaos raging on the London street, at least to an extent. It was dangerous to dull one of his senses in the middle of a battlefield, but the level of noise necessitated it. The sound that the Reaper was making was excruciating. So much so, that Shepard had looked over at him concerned as they approached the beam in the truck, suggesting he stay behind and attempt to hold their barrier up from a distance, but he wasn’t going to regret not being part of the fight again. He was going to get Shepard to that beam.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>As their goal came into view, so did Harbinger. They were forced out of the truck and onto the road on foot as the trucks ahead of them were each picked off in turn by the Reaper’s laser. The rest of Hammer team weren’t getting much closer on foot, thought it was clear that lone runners were getting closer to the beam than the vehicles were. There was no time to regroup and come up with a smart plan: they needed to get to the beam now.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Shepard didn’t hesitate, and Ash was right beside her. Kaidan was a few feet behind, making sure their biotic barriers were replenished, but his attention was constantly taken by the projectiles flying at them from all directions, and husks charging across the battlefield. He flicked them all away in a flash of biotics.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>They had covered about half of the distance, sprinting faster than he ever had in his life, when Harbinger’s monstrous yellow ‘eyes’ turned to them, and the mouth-like lens of its weapon tilted to aim the laser directly at them. There was no extra burst of speed Kaidan could dig deep for; no way to reach Shepard and Ash and get them all out of the weapon’s path. He did the only thing he could think to do, and used a biotic throw on the two women, hitting them both in the back and pinwheeling them out of the track of the now fully charged laser.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>In the 0.75 of a second Kaidan had before it hit him, his reflexes took control and pooled all of his remaining strength into his barrier.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The red beam of the Reaper expanded to fill his entire vision, as he braced himself for the end…</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He opened his eyes to see grey dust floating down onto him like snowflakes. Pulling himself to sit up, an echoey ringing bouncing around the inside of his skull, he found himself looking up at the beam, but the surrounding towers were completely flattened. Harbinger lay on its side, still making that indescribable noise, but its weapon seemed to be offline. Confusion swept through him: How was he not dead? </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Kaidan pulled himself up and surveyed the wreckage. He’d been thrown backwards by whatever had happened, and as he picked his way forward through the rubble, the pain in his chest, combined with the extreme biotic fatigue that was making itself known through his trembling limbs, led him to a conclusion he didn’t have the time or brain capacity to process. Not right now.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Shepard! Ashley! Do you read me?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>His comm only spluttered in response, but the sound of shifting debris reached him from one of the collapsed towers to his left. As he neared the mound of rubble, he could hear muffled shouting.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“This is Commander Alenko, I’m going to try to get you out.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The answer was faint, but unmistakable. “Kaidan?! You’re OK?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He started feverishly pulling at blocks of still glowing metal, until he realised his efforts might have the opposite effect and cause a collapse.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Shepard! My comm doesn’t work. I’m going to get ba-”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But as he shouted his message, it was drowned out by the sound of Harbinger struggling back upright. Its beam flickered red then died again as its first attempt to right itself failed.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Kaidan!”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He threw himself onto the ground, pushing his ear to a gap in the rubble to hear more clearly.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Kaidan! Get to the beam! Someone needs to make it to the beam!”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He got ready to say no. He wasn’t going to leave with crewmates under a pile of rubble. But Harbinger had finally managed to right itself, and fired its laser at an incoming shuttle, turning it into confetti.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Three trucks, and a dozen or so soldiers on foot were attempting the run to the beam again, but with Harbinger back online it seemed impossible that they’d make it any further than the first wave had. But he was already so close, and the Reaper’s attention was on the trucks…</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Kaidan! I trust you!”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He closed his eyes and took a steadying breath.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I love you,” he whispered. She wouldn’t have heard, but he needed to say it out loud, just once.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Kaidan rose to his feet, and as Harbinger continued to pick off the troops advancing across the hellscape, he sprinted unobserved into the heart of the beam.</em>
</p><p>*</p><p>
  <strong>If there’d been any time to stop and contemplate what she was looking at, Ashley didn’t know what would have been her overriding emotion: Horror? Awe? Overwhelmed by the wrongness of it? There wasn’t any time to reflect though, as she ran towards the beam and the colossal human-shaped Reaper guarding it.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>As the Reaper’s deadly weaponry shredded the ground in front of them, it also started crawling forward using its appallingly long arms: it didn’t seem to have legs, its ‘body’ ending after its gargantuan metallic ribcage. With its hands on the wrecks of starships and shuttles either side of the approach to the beam, it pulled them apart and smashed the debris onto the road as if they were made of cardboard. Ashley had eyes on Anderson and his squad to her left, as she charged along the right flank with most of her elite squad who’d joined her in the deployment to London. When she’d backed away from the Normandy’s loading ramp in Vancouver, shouting to the Admiral that she wasn’t coming with them, and trying to block out Joker’s frenzied screaming on the comm, she wasn’t sure she was going to make it through to nightfall. And now they were here, at the end.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Dodging a grenade from a cannibal, she tripped over a husk corpse just as the Reaper’s gigantic fist smashed down onto a crashed frigate, blowing it apart in a rain of metal. She had just enough time to protect her head before being engulfed by it.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>In the darkness, images flashed before her eyes, but this time it wasn’t of the Prothean extinction: it was of theirs. Lines of humans waiting to be ‘processed’; bombed out major cities; banshee screams a constant reminder of the new regime; husks swarming those fleeing for their lives. She imagined the view of earth from space: a burning, dying orb turning slowly from green and blue to black.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>But they only needed one person to make it to the beam, and they could stop this.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Just as she’d done in the Citadel Council Chamber nearly three years ago, Ashley braced her leg against the debris above her and attempted to lift it. The movement caused a shower of dust and wires, but she gritted her teeth and kept pushing until the largest piece had rolled off her and she was able to climb out through the scree.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Taking in the scene in front of her, she could see no movement apart from the abomination guarding the beam, now engaged in picking off a number of small incoming ships, which were presumably dropping off more troops. This meant the Reaper’s attention was off her, and she only had 100 yards left to cover.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>In no insignificant amount of pain, Ashley limped toward the beam, sticking close to the larger piles of rubble as cover. Halfway there, a marauder spotted her and opened fire, which also notified the Reaper to her presence. Heart thumping, and legs screaming in agony, Ash broke into the closest thing to a run that she could muster, stumbling as the marauder’s shots depleted her shield. She felt a searing heat from over her head, which she assumed was the Reaper’s attack barely missing her.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>She closed her eyes and put every ounce of energy she had left in her body into one final, critical leap.</strong>
</p><p>************</p><p>Looking at the Crucible, Shepard ran through decisions she’d made leading to this point: sacrificing Alliance troops to protect the Destiny Ascension, destroying the Collector base, blowing up the Alpha Relay, leaving Anderson on Earth to lead the resistance, focusing on building the Crucible at the expense of defence… In trying to reach this moment, she’d racked up an unimaginable death toll. She had to end the cycle now; everything they’d been through, every sacrifice made, couldn’t come to nothing.</p><p>*</p><p>
  <em>Kaidan tried to process what the catalyst had told him, but it was hard to do over the burning rage coursing through his body. All of this death, cycle after cycle after cycle. Utterly pointless. He wanted to think about all the people, good people, they’d lost fighting the Reapers, but they weren’t what this decision was about: it was about those who were left, and what kind of galaxy they would be living in for the next 50,000 years and beyond. Should the Quarians have the chance to thrive at the expense of the Geth? Would the Krogan be able to rebuild if they suddenly became half-machine? What would happen to humanity if a human were suddenly in control of a galaxy-annihilating force? There was too much to consider, too many possibilities, but the choice was his, and it needed to be made now.</em>
</p><p>*</p><p>
  <strong>Ash raised her gun to shoot the catalyst between the eyes. It had taken the form of Shepard, and it made her sick to look at her former CO, now devoid of the humanity that had made her the person she’d been. So many fallen comrades, and Shepard was the one that hurt the most. What would Shepard have done in Ashley’s position? It didn’t matter now; the galaxy was waiting for a decision, and it was Ash’s to make. She thought of her crewmates: Anderson, Kaidan, Garrus, Tali. She thought of Jeff. What would they have told her to do? What would her grandfather have told her? The decision he’d made had caused him to be mocked and shunned for the rest of his life. But it had been the right decision, his duty to his men. That’s what Williams’ did: their duty, whether it was difficult or not.</strong>
</p><p>************</p><p>Ashley. Mordin. Thane. Legion. So much sacrifice in the search for peace. It had to be worth it. For everyone. </p><p>Shepard made her choice.</p><p>*</p><p><em>Crewmates. Students. Loved ones. The innocent. A future for all life in the galaxy.</em> </p><p>
  <em>Kaidan made his choice.</em>
</p><p>*</p><p>
  <strong>Duty. Honour. Family. The mission. Preserving life, no matter the cost.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Ashley made her choice.</strong>
</p><p>************</p><p>In <em>the</em> <strong>rubble</strong> of <em>the</em> <strong>Citadel,</strong> after <em>a</em> <strong>ragged</strong> breath, <em>one</em> <strong>old</strong> soldier <em>opened</em> <strong>their</strong> eyes.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you so so much to the lovely jedirangerpenguin who beta'd this story, chatted about ideas, and gave fantastic and very sensible advice!</p><p>The working title was 'HollyEm's adventures in basic HTML', which I think has a nice ring to it.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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